Before ‘I do’! - The SoftCopy

Before ‘I do’!

By Shikha Kumar

BANGALORE (Nov. 29)—In a hilarious scene in one of my all-time favorite films, Father of the Bride, Steve Martin, distraught over his daughter’s ever-escalating wedding expenses, tries to save money by ripping open a packet of four hotdog buns in a supermarket and offering to pay for two. His desperate cost-cutting efforts land him in jail.

I have mournfully come to accept the fact that any conversation revolving around the word “marriage” cannot be squabble-free—in Indian families, at least. On a recent trip with my extended family, my father rather animatedly got talking to one of my aunts about marriage—my hypothetical nuptials—and the likely amount of the expenses to be borne by the bride’s family. This so that he could start making necessary financial adjustments and save up for my “big day.”

Now this is something that has never failed to befuddle me. Growing up in a country where female infanticide is rampant chiefly because fathers do not want to bear the burden of saving up for their daughters’ dowry has sadly made me cynical about this “sacred” institution. A marriage may be perceived as a happy occasion by many, but in reality, I think it is quite the opposite. Even as literacy and general education levels improve in India, certain practices refuse to die.

The practice of “give and take” would be the best example. Now, I am aware that wedding traditions vary across religions and castes. However, in most cases, rituals are incomplete without fulfilling the customary traditions of exchanging pounds of mithai sweets and dried fruits that more often than not land up uneaten in garbage bins. In a country with a distressing proportion of people who cannot manage two square meals a day, this wasteful practice makes me nauseous.

Even the concept of the “big fat Indian wedding” is unsettling. Sure, people might say, when you have the money, why not? The bigger question, though, should be why. Why would anyone pay astronomical amounts to celebrities to make a “blink and miss” appearance at their weddings and spend lakhs of rupees on outfits they may never wear again? Or have a dozen needless pre-wedding functions, include dandiya dance nights, elaborate cocktail parties and even cricket matches?

In fact, the pre-wedding expenses amount to a significant proportion of the total money spent. Designer wedding invitations are the new in thing, with a single invitation spanning several pages, so much so that people are now more interested in how the invitation looks rather than who’s getting married. Not to forget the invitation accompaniments, which include expensive boxes of sweets, chocolates and dried fruit.

Also, as much as we would like to think and believe the opposite, instances of dowry-giving among so-called modern and educated Indians aren’t few and far between. The only difference, here, is that dowry is disguised in the garb of “How much can you give your daughter to showcase your love for her?” Materialism then achieves depressing new heights with the flaunting of expensive jewelry, high-end electronic devices and luxury cars.

Abba had it right when they sang, “Money, money, money, always sunny, in a rich man’s world!”

If I ever have the choice and the discretion, I would love to go ahead and have a simple court marriage. But sadly, I face the fear of being scowled upon by the very society that I live in. My dream is to wake up in an enlightened country where marriage means pure unadulterated happiness devoid of hassles and stress, and represents the beautiful occasion of the coming together of two people, for life. After all, it’s not always about the money.